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[personal profile] seasleepy
There are some high-quality dramatics going on in the Hammer right now.

The Pan Am games are coming to Toronto in 2012 -- and a couple of events are going to be in Hamilton. This means woo infrastructure improvements. So one of the events Hamilton was going to host was athletics (track & field). A Big Deal. So the organizing committee and the city decided, "Oh hey, this would be a great excuse to build a new stadium for the Ti-Cats in addition to track since Ivor Wynne is old." (The Hamilton Tiger-Cats are the local CFL team -- they've been in Hamilton in one form or another for over 100 years. They've also been losing money consistently for some time now. Somewhat relatedly, they've been horrible for some time now, but they're still fairly beloved locally as they're the only major-league team in town.)

Since then, this is how it's gone:
Organizing committee: "We think we want you guys to host athletics!"
City: "WOOOO (MONEY)!"
Ticats: "WOOO STADIUM!"
City: "Okay, so here are a few places we're looking at..."
Ticats: "Dude, anything would be awesome, Ivor Wynne is sooooooo old."
Organizing committee: "Okay those look great, we'll put the West Harbour one in our package. You guys have to make sure there's something you're going to do with the stadium after the games, okay?"
City: "Wooooo"
Ticats: "We'll make anything work, seriously."

SEVERAL MONTHS PASS

City: "Okay, so yeah, looking over the proposed sites, we think West Harbour sounds the best even though it sort of goes against some of our long-term planning for the area. But it cleans up a hazardous site and it's in the city so it'll encourage people to take transit and go to restaurants and shops before and after games, so yay?"
Ticats: "Dudes, where will everyone park? And couldn't you have talked to us about this some more?"
City: "Um...we're paying for the stadium, you guys."
Ticats: "WHY DIDN'T YOU TALK TO US YOU'RE SO MEAN YOU WANT US TO FAIL WE'RE ALREADY LOSING MONEY"
City: "...."
Organizing Committee: "Can you guys settle on a site already? We're starting to get a bit nervous. And really, both of you need to be on the same page or else we'll find another stadium we can use somewhere else in the GTA."
City: "...So, West Harbour then?"
Ticats: "There isn't enough parking."
City: "We're going to have a GO station right there. And light rail. And buses and things."
Ticats: "There isn't enough parking."
City: "There's parking lots around there."
Ticats: "There isn't enough parking."
City: "......."
Ticats: "Okay, fine, how about we build it out at the Red Hill and the Linc? There's lots of space out there! And it's easy to get to by car!"
City: ".......Wut."
Ticats: "We could build an enormous parking lot out there!"
City: "It's also practically on the moon for anyone who doesn't have a car, you morons. And there is nothing out there for people to do before or after the game."
Ticats: "But parking! We'd make a lot of money from parking!"
City: "How exciting for you. Meanwhile, WEST HARBOUR."
Ticats: "Okay, well, um... Oh! Oh! How about if we also build a soccer academy out with the stadium? And maybe start trying to get an MLS team?"
City: "Well, people here do like soccer, so that would be good. How is the business plan going to work for that?"
Ticats: "Yeah, a soccer academy, we'd totally need like acres of space for that, and more parking lots too!"
City: "......."
Ticats: "Okay, well, um... Oh! Oh! Have you thought about building something not a stadium at West Harbour?"
City: "..... Against my better judgment, what do you have in mind?"
Ticats: "Um... an amphitheater! Yeah, you could have concerts there in the summertime! Like with the symphony or something! Aaaaaaand... uhhhh... oh right, aren't you supposed to be building a velodrome too? Put that there! And I guess the rest of it could be a park?"
City: "Well, that sounds nice enough I guess...."
Ticats: "Yeah, we'll even let you spend some of the stadium money we want from you guys on it too."
City: "How generous."
Ticats: "Why, thank you!"
Future Fund: "Okay, so our money is from privatizing Hamilton's electric company, and we're supposed to be spending it on improvements to the city. A stadium's kind of a stretch anyway, but a stadium surrounded by farmland and big box stores on the very edge of town is way out of bounds. You can't spend our money on East Mountain. (Okay, well, the city council can actually override us, but that would look pretty bad.)"
City: "Okay, so.... West Harbour then."
Ticats: "But I thought we were negotiating! YOU'RE SO MEAN. WHY ARE YOU SO FIXATED ON WEST HARBOUR ANYWAY?"
City: "....Are you guys forgetting that we've been picking options for like the past year? And that we had pretty much settled on West Harbour as the best one months ago? AND THAT YOU GUYS WERE FINE WITH IT THEN?"
Ticats: "BUT PARKING LOTS."
City: "What the fuck."
Organizing Committee: "Um... you guys? Since this is turning into such a thing, we're just going to host athletics in Toronto somewhere. You can have some soccer games.... you guys like soccer there, right?"
Ticats: "Oh hey I guess a SOCCER ACADEMY would be nice then wouldn't it?"
City: <facepalm>
Province and Federal Govts: "We're not giving you money unless it's on East Mountain."
City: "What the fuck?!"
Ticats: "HA."

TWO DAYS LATER

Province and Federal Govts: "What the fuck? Who told you we weren't giving you money unless you pick East Mountain? We'll give money whenever the site gets confirmed, wherever it is."
City: "HA."
Organizing Committee: "Um... keep in mind we want you guys to have something planned for the stadium after the games if we're going to be getting funding for it, okay? Like maybe CFL?"

THE DAY BEFORE CITY COUNCIL VOTES ON A SITE

Ticats: "FINE WE'RE DONE NEGOTIATING AND WE'LL PLAY AT IVOR WYNNE ONE MORE YEAR AND THAT'S IT SO THERE I HOPE YOU'RE ALL HAPPY WITH YOURSELVES YOU MEANIES."
City: "....."
Ticats: "WE DIDN'T EVEN WANT EAST MOUNTAIN ANYWAY, WE WANTED CONFEDERATION PARK, YOU GUYS DIDN'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT THOUGH."
City: "We ruled out Confederation Park like a year ago, you guys, what the hell! And you're bluffing about leaving."
Ticats: "YOU WANT TO BE KNOWN AS THE GUYS THAT DROVE THE TICATS OUT OF TOWN, GO AHEAD AND VOTE WEST HARBOUR."


TODAY

CITY COUNCIL VOTES FOR WEST HARBOUR

DUN DUN DUNNNN!

TO BE CONTINUED
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seasleepy

August 2010

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